i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
