just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
