Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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