i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
