just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
