glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize