At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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