So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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