Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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