Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
