Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
