You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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