i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize