I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
