Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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