I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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