Having a random hookup so left but love u
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
