I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
