I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
People in love make me want to vomit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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