You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
