somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
