yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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