the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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