well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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