Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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