i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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