everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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