Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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