We got so high we made milksteak
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
