So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
