I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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