I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
