he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
