At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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