They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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