how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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