Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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