I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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