i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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