Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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