i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
