dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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