No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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