I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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