yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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