i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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