you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
