i think my tv is drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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