you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
