Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
