There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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