If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
