don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize