Already got asked if we're dating
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize