we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
