I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
