My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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