those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
