Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
