OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
