I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
