if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize