I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
