Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
