I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
