then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
MIDGETS
????
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
