When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have aggressive nipples.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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