the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
