Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
