She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
