How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
FUCK WHALES
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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