i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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