I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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