Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
