Im at strip club and am horny
Someone shit on the floor
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
