So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
