Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize