I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
