How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
