You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
