Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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