can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize