Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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