I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
