So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
