Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do herpes really smell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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