You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
