the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The best revenge is premature balding
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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