and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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