woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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