i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Damn victory sex feels great
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
