every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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